If you are a regular reader you may have noticed that our blog has been on hiatus. Never fear, this is a brief intermission, just a small lull in the ongoing process of creating the future.
We are pleased to bring you this guest post from our new friend Elf Lady. Her post originally appeared here on her blog Elf Lady’s Chronicles, where she shares personal stories of surviving domestic violence, divorce and motherhood. Elf Lady’s blog is wonderful narrative of her journey in healing, we think you’ll enjoy reading her work.
“Art opens the closets, airs out the cellars and attics. It brings healing.”
As women we are artist of our own lives. We exercise our creativity by providing healthy, hearty meals for our family, creating a cozy home, planning birthday parties and organizing holidays. We are constantly creating. In addition, women are the natural nurturers and healers in our society. So what happens when we need to be healed? What happens when we need to be healed of the trauma and abuse we have experienced at the hands of an intimate partner?
As a survivor of domestic violence myself, my therapist, Michelle, recommended journaling as a means to deal with the emotions surrounding my abusive relationship and pending divorce. I tried journaling, but it was too painful writing down my thoughts. However, I knew from my sessions in Michelle’s office, her specialty was art therapy.
What is Art Therapy? According to the Art Therapy Alliance, art therapy is “the deliberate use of art-making to address psychological and emotional needs. Art therapy uses art media and the creative process to help in areas such as, but not limited to: fostering self-expression, create coping skills, manage stress, and strengthen sense of self. Art therapy has provided mental health treatment for clients who have experienced trauma, grief & loss, depression, chronic illness, substance abuse, and more.”
Michelle works with foster kids from abusive homes and other children dealing with various challenges. She predominately uses art therapy for these children and teenagers as a means in dealing with their pain. Her office is filled with pastels, paints, markers and sketchbooks. The office walls are painted with colorful, bold pictures of flowers, vines, phrases, bricks and snowmen. The paintings give me a sense of comfort and warmth regardless of not contributing to the collage of images myself.
I had been seeing Michelle for six months before I asked if I could try Art Therapy. I considered myself a creative person. As a child I sketched eyes and faces and wrote poetry, but that ended as I entered college to become an engineer. Today my creativity is expressed through every day activities such as cooking, decorating, gardening and at times photography. I know I don’t have the skills to be a true artist, and that’s okay. Art therapy does not require skill. It only requires you to try.
Gretchen Miller, MA, ATR-BC, CTC, writes, “Through art-making, survivors can make sense of and find their way out of chaos, frightful memories, and the raw emotion of their abuse to discover a sense of grounding, strength, safety, understanding, and hope.”
So I bought a pack of pastels and got out my sketch book. One of the first pictures I drew in my sketchbook was of my husband.
I wanted to draw a picture showing how I saw him that night and other nights when he was angry. The dark blue is the coldness in his heart, my feeling of dread, and the darkness of my depression. The fire represents how quickly my husband could explode transforming himself from a civil, normal man to a heartless, angry monster.
My next attempt expressed my feeling of being shattered and surrounded in a sea of chaos. My marriage was shattered, my sense of self was shattered, my belief system was shattered. Things I believed to be true were no longer true, so what was real and what was not? Who or what could I believe anymore?
After these short drawing sessions, I was always a little more at peace. I felt a sense of relief getting these pictures and feelings out of my mind and soul and onto paper.
Although I could not afford it, in August I decided to rent a beach cottage for the week before my son returned to school. He brought his beach toys, matchbox cars, and books. I armed myself with my sketch book, pastels, and colored pencils in addition to my self-help books, camera, sunscreen, and beach chair.
The sound of the ocean and the warmth of the sun has its own healing properties. Sitting on the beach listening to the waves and watching my son play in the water, I could finally relax. I began to capture this peace and solitude with my pastels and pencils.
I first drew the view from the front porch of our little cottage. I could sit on the porch in my rocking chair and watch the breeze blow the dune grass and lines of pelicans fly by. Often I would see fishing trawlers and sailboats in the distance.
Another favorite pastime that week was searching through the vast amounts of seashells deposited on the sand after high tide. There were so many shells it looked like a dump truck had driven on the beach in the night and unloaded an entire load of beautiful, multi-colored seashells.
The sifting and searching for my favorite shells became meditative and therapeutic for me. I was fascinated by the palette of colors nature applied in creating the shells. So, one night while sitting at the kitchen table, I laid out an assortment of my shells and captured their colors on paper. Using pastels, I was able to blend the colors into shades that matched my shells. I realize my drawing doesn’t look like much, but I was pleased with the result and looking at the colors has a calming affect for me.
My last drawing at the beach was a sketch in a struggle to find some peace and solitude one day. As I drew this scene of my beach chair and umbrella, I was in reality having an anxiety attack.
My mom had decided on her own to follow us to beach for four days during the time my son and I were there. Upon arrival, she proceeded to take control of my son and whisk him away for putt putt golf or swimming at the pool of the condo where she was staying regardless of any plans I may have had. While I was grateful for the time my son was able to spend with his grandmother and the hour or two for a long walk on the beach, I felt these decisions were made for me and my peaceful vacation had been hijacked by my mom. Striving to set boundaries, we eventually had words resulting in her leaving in a huff. But I was much relieved to have regained control of my vacation.
Coming full circle, I want to share a drawing of one of my injuries I received the last night my husband assaulted me. I did not draw this until the end of September, a full nine months after the assault. Creating this drawing was triggered by registering for a 5K benefiting Interact of Wake County, the local non-profit supporting victims of domestic violence. As a survivor, I felt a duty to run in this race. In the days leading up to this race, I started to relive that night. I felt the sense of betrayal and shame all over again. Finally, I decided to capture what happened that night on paper, hopefully coming to terms with it in some fashion.
My sketches have brought me peace during and after drawing. At times, the drawing has brought clarity to how I felt about my abusive relationship. At other times the benefits of drawing cannot be put into words, but I know a small tectonic shift has occurred leading me further along my path of recovery.
While we may never pay our bills with our endeavors of painting, drawing, or sculpting, we are all artists of our own life. Every day we create a beautiful mosaic of our lives with connections to our loved ones, our friends, our hobbies and passions, and events in our life.
As women, we are accustomed to the art of creating and the art of healing. We create nutritious meals for our family, beautiful gardens, and cozy, inviting rooms for our homes. We heal our children when sick, our partners and friends when they are down and out. Why not combine these two worthy and natural skills to heal ourselves through art?
Vision for the New Year – Organizational Goals and Big Dreams
Happy New Years friends! We took a bit of a break to enjoy the holidays and to reflect and recharge. With the start of the New Year comes new energy and continued commitment to our mission and vision. We are happy to be back to work on SpeakArtLoud!
The idea for SpeakArtLoud sprang to life in a workshop in the fall of 2009 (this is also where Board members met one another), since then we have been working on creating SpeakArtLoud. We each are busy with jobs, family and other community activities, but slowly, over time, we have made great strides.
Goals are dreams with deadlines.
~Diana Scharf Hunt
As an organization we are very young and we know there is still much to learn and much to do, but we are so excited about the future!
This year we will begin by focusing on the following:
- Expanding our Board – Look for an announcement soon (consider applying!)
- Developing a Curriculum – We’ll seek funding and a curriculum writer (hello art therapists!)
- Partnering with Others – Research and reaching out will keep us busy (connect with us!)
As we work on these goals we may also seek out advice and assistance. We may look for advisers and volunteers or ask questions from friends on Facebook and Twitter (we really appreciate those who already have so graciously helped us, thank you friends!).
I believe the most important single thing, beyond discipline & creativity is daring to dare.
~ Maya Angelou
We believe having a vision, something big to work toward, is important in creating your future.
So, dreaming big and looking beyond 2012, SpeakArtLoud has a long-term goal of working at an international level. This is a big dream but we believe it is possible.
We know that art is everywhere and that equality for woman is a global concern. By partnering with organizations locally, nationally and abroad we believe we can use the arts to empower women and improve communities around the world.
Together we can create a beautiful future!
Writing and Healing: 3 Lessons I Have Learned
By Jennifer Lucas – We are pleased to bring you this guest post from Jennifer Lucas. In addition to writing, Jenn does web design, practices Bikram Yoga, dabbles in various art forms and has an interest in non-profit management. Oh yea, she was also one of SpeakArtLoud’s first volunteers!
Writing is My Art
Writing has been an important part of my healing process for as long as I can remember. I’ve dabbled in painting, collage and other art forms, but I always come back to writing. I write poetry, short stories and I have started a memoir a thousand times over.
For me, just taking a few minutes to write down my thoughts and feelings is a healing experience. Sometimes just the act of getting the words out of my head and onto paper makes room for what is even deeper and that is where I find I really heal.
I was in an abusive marriage for 15 years; I’ve been divorced for six years and have three children. I was also raised in the LDS (Mormon) religion and was married in the Mormon temple. I raised my children in the Mormon faith and did the best I could to live “in” that religion, though I could never really “be” in that religion. I struggled with my belief in the Mormon Church for most of my life.
After I got married I had to hide the physical abuse from almost everyone, leaving me feeling empty and alone. I made my way out of the Mormon Church while still married, causing my ex-husband to ramp up the emotional and financial abuse.
It was ultimately my writing that helped me get away, but it was also my writing that cost me dearly and I’ve learned some valuable lessons over the years about art and the healing process.
Lessons I Have Learned
For years I was lucky enough to be able to write unfiltered. I wrote poems and short stories and I blogged online. But after my blog was discovered (more on that in a minute), everything I wrote was tainted by my inner critic who told me my writing was terrible, that people would make fun of what I wrote and that no one was interested in what I had to say.
After my blog was discovered I was unable to write for years. I would start writing and within minutes what I saw on the page was white-washed words that held no meaning to me.
It took some time, but after struggling with my inner critic I started writing about how much I disliked my critic and how much I hated what she was telling me. In many of my writing sessions I had a pit in my stomach, I squirmed in my chair and my anger would spill out on to the page, but after I got all that out of my head my inner critic left me alone to write what was in my heart.
In the last year or so I’ve been able to put pen to paper and really get back in the groove of writing and really feeling that healing process that comes from my art.
About nine months before I left my ex-husband I decided to start writing online. I started writing online because I wanted desperately to connect with people and deep down I wanted validation that getting divorced and leaving the Mormon Church was not selfish.
I had reached out to Mormon leaders in the past, talking to them about the physical and verbal abuse, but many of the leaders (all men) told me to honor my husband, read my scriptures and pray and everything would be fine. I was counseled that leaving my husband was a selfish act and would harm my children.
By the summer of 2004 I was struggling so much that I told my story to the world, publishing it all online. I used a fake name, showed only a baby picture of myself and never used anyone else’s real name, but as my blog became more popular it was only a matter of time before it was discovered by people I knew.
The fallout was epic. I lost a lot of friends and my ex-husband and I, who had a tenuous co-parenting relationship at best, could not overcome the fallout. We haven’t spoken in years, and while that may seem like a good thing, it makes life very difficult for our children who’ve grown almost to adulthood with parents who do not communicate.
There is a deep connection between art and healing. Make sure that the people you share your art with love you, care about your feelings and can be constructive (if need be), but are also understanding of the relationship between your art and your healing.
When I was 9 years old my dad left our family while we were on vacation; he left our family in a small town with nothing but our suitcases. I wrote a play soon after that scared me so badly I had to sleep with my mom for a week.
I’m 43 years old now and I am still writing stories that touch me deeply. Some days I let it all out and feel replenished and vibrant. Other days, I’m writing about feelings and memories and places I’d completely forgotten and by the time I’m done I’m exhausted, my head aches from crying and I crawl in bed, pulling the covers over my head just like I did when I was 9 years old.
I was abused by a man and by a patriarchal belief system that upheld that man’s power for over 15 years. Before that I took care of my mother and my little sister after my dad left our family. I’ve been away from my abusive ex-husband for six short years, while I’ve made leaps and bounds in my healing and have radically changed my life and how I chose to live it, I am still healing.
Sometimes I wonder why I’m not done yet and sometimes I get frustrated with the tears and the post-traumatic stress. But then I remember to be kind to myself, to give myself space and time to recover. I must be gentle and respect my process.
Kick Up Your Heels!
November is Arts and Health Month. This month our blog will focus on the relationship between art and health. For more information you may visit the Society for the Arts in Healthcare, the international non-profit organization that founded Arts and Health Month.
The pursuit of art on a regular basis may be the key to healing our minds and bodies. Kim Blair
When I think about the relationship between art and health I typically think about the connection between creativity and the brain, mental health or stress reduction.
I tend to not think about the connection between art and physical activity. However, there is a relationship between art and physical activity and, as we all know, physical activity is important to good health.
You see, art is such a fundamental element in our life that we can easily overlook the presence of art. We may not recognize how often art is a part of our activities or how often art influences or enhances our health and well-being.
Dance – an art form. The body – an instrument. Learn to play the instrument and master the art form. Debbie Dee
Dance is an art form. Maybe calling what I’m doing on Saturday night art is a stretch but listening to music (art) and dancing (art) is a perfect example of how art can be a part of our physical activity and help to keep us health.
Dance is a great exercise. Dancing can raise your heart rate, burn calories, and tone muscles. Dance also helps with:
- better coordination
- increased flexibility
- improved balance
- physical confidence
One of the best things about dance is that for many people dancing doesn’t feel like exercise. Instead, it is a fun and social activity. Art, in this case dance and music, enhances our experience making our activity more joyful.
Whether you study ballet, practice tap-dancer, do hip-hop moves, belly-dance with friends or take weekend ballroom lessons you are getting a great work-out all while practicing a long standing art form.
And that is one of the most beautiful things about art, it connects us to traditions. With dance, you are repeating rhythms and movements that have been part of human behavior for centuries. You become part of something greater and continue to keep art alive.
Next time you turn up the music and dance take a moment to appreciate the art you are practicing.
Thoughts on Finding Strength and Courage
(1) Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. ~ Marianne Williamson
(2) Hope has two beautiful daughters. Their names are anger and courage; anger at the way things are, and courage to see that they do not remain the way they are. ~Augustine of Hippo
(3) The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don’t have any. ~ Alice Walker
(4) Never let the hand you hold, hold you down. ~Author Unknown
(5) Where I was born and where and how I have lived is unimportant. It is what I have done with where I have been that should be of interest. ~ Georgia O’Keeffe
(6) There is only one of you in all time, this expression is unique. And if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium and it will be lost. ~ Martha Graham
(7) There is a special place in hell for women who do not help other women. ~ Madeleine K. Albright
(8) Educating girls worldwide is the best way to advance the role of women. ~ Geena Davis
(9) Remember our heritage is our power; we can know ourselves and our capacities by seeing that other women have been strong. ~ Judy Chicago
Domestic Violence and Poetry: Why Aren’t We Talking About This?
“One in three women may suffer from abuse and violence in her lifetime. This is an appalling human rights violation, yet it remains one of the invisible and under-recognized pandemics of our time.Violence against women is an appalling human rights violation. But it is not inevitable. We can put a stop to this.”
– Nicole Kidman, Actress and Goodwill Ambassador for UNIFEM
October is national Domestic Violence Awareness Month. In recognition of this we are talking about the role of art has in raising awareness of violence against women and in helping women who have experienced violence to heal.
Gretchen Miller, Certified Art Therapist, shared a wonderful piece on her experience in using art therapy with survivors of domestic violence here and I shared a bit about my early work in a domestic violence shelter here.
Poetry and is an art form that can be used to raise awareness about domestic violence, as well as a medium to help those who have experienced violence express their feelings. (Please note, poems will not be shared in this post as we do not want to be a trigger, links will be provided.)
The work of poet Eavan Boland addresses issues such anorexia, domestic violence and the impact of violence against women on family and community. Her poem Domestic Violence intertwines images from domestic life and personal history with the history of her country, Ireland.
In addition to written work, spoken word poetry can be a powerful form of expression.
I recently discovered the work of Renee Mitchell, a former journalist with The Oregonian newspaper, now a poet and performer who speaks about domestic violence, specifically the impact of verbal and emotional abuse. In this interview Renee Mitchell speaks about realizing she was in an abusive relationship and she shares her powerful poetry and music.
Change the Conversation
I would like to leave you with this beautiful spoken word performance piece, “If I Should Have A Daughter” by Sarah Kay.
“Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has.”